Distortionary Dialogues

Questions and quandaries to catalyze abstract or atypical thinking. All manner of responses welcomed.

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How You Expand Who I Am

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1How You Expand Who I Am Empty How You Expand Who I Am on Wed Jun 06, 2018 1:24 am

Today I had a beautiful realization about our love. I was thinking about the way you first emerged, a glimmer in the distance, a seductive and shape-shifting apparition. At that time, your anonymity afforded you the ability to exist as a truly free spirit, coming and going as you pleased without even leaving an identifiable trace. Do you recall how you would perform for my benefit during these brief appearances, filling out the roles you guessed might be missing in my life’s current cast of characters (companion, guide, benefactor)? I remember, and I am more grateful than you may ever know.
Now, we are becoming more and more entwined in each other’s lives — I know your name, and it carries a great weight in my heart. As we try to navigate the shared psychic space of our strange yet strong connection, I find myself wanting to experiment with new roles for myself (assistant, muse, collaborator). Moreover, I feel directly encouraged and empowered to do so. For the first time in my life, a romantic relationship feels like a mutual platform for exploration and growth rather than being a mere end in itself. Our love is a yearning love, it wants to grow — and we are tasked with tending the soil.
This humble life may not bring us wealth or fame, but we both can appreciate the intrinsic value of nurturing a fantasy, spinning a story. Because you want to live alongside me, more possible kinds of lives stretch out in front of me. The joy and play inherent in discovering this future is almost overwhelming in its exhilarating potential. I trust that both of us appreciate the gravitas of such an undertaking, and will catch each other before flying away. I now believe that this feeling is what I meant to express when I wrote that I like how “[y]ou know how to be playful and serious at the same time.” More to come.

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